Friday, April 13, 2007

Happy Birthday Mama - Friday 13th

This is a page I did in an R&R book for our local altered book group. You can't really see the photo that I used very well but it is of me and my mother, I was a baby and she is holding me.

Today is her 72nd birthday (I think that's how old she is)... but I can't ask her because she has Alzehimer's and she doesn't remember. She doesn't even remember me any longer. The Alzehimer's has taken away the woman that was my mother. My mother now is a sweet little 72 year old woman who can be funny and loves to visit.

My mother was not a sweet person when my sister, brother and I were growing up. In fact, she could be and usually was an a number one Bee-itch. When we were younger she was better but as we got older and she fell more into her depression and manic moods she could make life a living hell sometimes. Years ago when some friends and I went to see the movie 'The Ya-Ya Sisterhood' scenes from that movie I could have written. When she was down, she would sleep all day and when we would get home from school we never knew what to expect when she would come out of her room. When she was up, everyone thought she was the greatest mom around and she could be a lot of fun. But we always knew that it wasn't going to last, the next day she could be a monster again.

I love my mother, I am who I am today because of her but I sure didn't like her sometimes and even hated her at other times. The three of us kids, as we got older spend more and more time at friends homes or anyone who would have us. Lucky for me my best friend's family semi-adopted me and I would spend every weekend at their place in the country. Riding horses, chasing cows and playing in the river.

My mother was never a very happy person and just always felt the world and everyone was against her.

The last time I was able to spend any amount of time with my mother before the Alzheimer's hit hard I was only there for a day and a half before she got mad at me about somthing and refused to talk to me for the remainder of the 5 days my daughter and I were there. She would speak through my daughter. It was a wonderful visit. But that is usually how all of our visits went.

As cantankerous, mean and bitchy as my mother could be I really do miss the person that she was. When she was up in one of her good times our visits would be wonderful. And that's the person I miss.

So Happy Birthday Mama, I love you.


Blogger Nancy Hunt-Bartek said...

I had my own issues with my father who died last year. It seems I could never do anything right. He never saw the good in anything. He was cranky, seemed to hate life, and no one could please him. I feel like I am a better parent and person because of him. I have to believe I took something good away from my relationship with him. I choose to believe I live my life better because of him. I tell my kids I love them more. I live every day doing art and things I enjoy. I surround myself with people who are upbeat and non judgemental. And most of all I refuse to live the doom and gloom attitude he chose to live.
It's been a life lesson for me, as I am sure yours will be for you. Let ART be your salvation as I truly believe it does SAVE SOULS!
fondly, Nancy

7:41 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home