Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Happy Birthday Mama

Lonely Little House

Today is Mama’s birthday. She is 74 or 75 years old today, I don’t remember which and I know she doesn’t either. The fact is she doesn’t remember much of anything anymore. My Mom has Alzheimer’s.

I haven’t seen her in two years and she had no idea who I was then. We (my sister and brother) tell ourselves that is was probably a blessing that she got it, though we always feel guilty when we say it, my mother was not on a good path with her life and we were all afraid that she was going to drink, drive and kill someone. My mother also suffered from manic/depressive disorder or as they call it now bi-polar disorder. We all had volatile relationships with Mama, each of us in different ways. If you have ever seen the movie ‘Ya-Ya Sisterhood’ you would kind of know what our lives were like only worse. But I have come to terms with my childhood, my mother’s illness and our relationship as it was before she became ill.

But there are times when I truly truly miss her. Because as we all know along with the bad there is good. She always let us voice our own opinions and we would have some lively discussions. She loved to play games, card games, dice games and loved scrabble the most. So when we would go to visit, we would all sit around the table and play games for hours, laughing, talking and just having fun.

So today when I realized that it was April 13th and it was her birthday, I had to fight back the tears. I seem to be missing her more lately than ever before and wish like hell I could sit at the table with her one more time and just talk.

I am planning a trip over to Oregon later this year to see her and pick up some things of hers that my sister has been saving for me.

So Mama I love you and I miss you sometimes so much it hurts and I wish we could celebrate your birthday like we used to.

Happy Birthday Mama.


Blogger Heather said...

Hi Jonna,

I just wanted to say I loved your beautiful post about your mom. It made me cry. I know we talked about this at Artfest. And I feel your pain. It is when they are gone that you wish you would have asked them more questions. I have so many questions that I have for my mom that I will never know. By the time I realized this she could not rememeber anything. But I guess we can not think about that we have to think of the good and learn from the bad.


Heather Foust

Thinking of you.

5:23 PM  
Anonymous susan said...

lovely post. thanks for sharing. i took jesse reno for three days and love it.!

4:44 PM  
Anonymous Susan said...

Lovely post and picture. Could I use the picture to illustrate a poem by Emily Dickinson on my E.D. blog ("Prowling Bee")? The poem is called "I years had been from Home" and it has a haunted and yearning yet fearful quality. Something about your picture seems just right. Thanks - Susan

5:46 PM  

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