Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Sunday night I had a dream about Mama.

We (Mama, my best friend Debi from high school and I) were sitting in a small closet surrounded by boxes of my moms things and we were trying to decide what to do with them.

Last night my sister called to tell me they had moved Mama into a nursing home on Sunday. Mama has been in assisted living for some years now. She has Alzheimer’s.

Was she trying to contact me, trying to tell me something?

The last 3 times I have been over to see her my mom does not know who I am. She doesn’t know who any of us are any longer.

Mama and I never really got a long very well.

We loved each other but never could get along for any length of time.

My mother was never a very happy person, she suffered from manic/depression, she was suicidal during most of my adult life. She was a great manipulator with my sister and brother. Maybe that’s why we never got along so well, I never gave in to her manipulations. She could make everyone’s life a living hell and she did that a lot of the time.

But she could also be a wonderful listener, very loving and fun. She was a nurse and worked in nursing homes for a lot of her career. She was wonderful with the older people. They all loved her. She loved to dance, she loved music and she loved going out.

I miss talking to Mama.

I miss the person that she was.

I am who I am because of her, good and bad.

I am thankful for that.

I hope that this disease has helped her find some peace, some happiness?


Blogger rivergardenstudio said...

I am so sorry you miss your mother so... this was such a touching post. I miss my mother too. You are a beautiful daughter... Roxanne

6:00 PM  
Blogger ABG said...

your turn to make me think.

2:02 PM  
Anonymous Tina said...

Take care Jonna. I hope your mom is able to be comfortable in the changes she's experiencing. I hope you're finding some peace.

8:30 AM  

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